i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
