Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
