I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
