I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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