when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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