You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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