he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Michael Bay diarrhea
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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