His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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