He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
