Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
