I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
