dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
