jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
