Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
