I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Pooping to opera.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
