she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
