He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm both gender and math confused
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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