I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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