and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
