She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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