Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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