I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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