Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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