Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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