the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We left an ass print on the piano.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
