you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
