question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
