For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
