So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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