Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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