Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
