I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
