I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
