Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
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or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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