My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
