DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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