Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
