kristin has been a bad kristin
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
