Already got asked if we're dating
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
