My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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