im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
