He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
false alarm. still invincible.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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