You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
