small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
