So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
