problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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