The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
