no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
