Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
