Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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