Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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