drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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