looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The adults are the big ones right?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
