I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
