I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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