I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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