yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
