i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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