I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
high people should be assigned attendants
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
