I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
