i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
