So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
