just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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