More tranny stories later!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
