haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
