if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize