I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
