Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
