if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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