i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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