Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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