We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
