Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
