on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
