SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
